I am adamant about this. That women support women. Always.
I don’t like to see women bashing each other. I’m not impressed if a woman complains that she doesn’t like other women.
I’ve told my guy friends to their face, not social media posts to strangers off the internet, TO THEIR FACE, I’ve told men that if the woman they’re dating claims she doesn’t like other women, run not walk away. Huge red flag.
The reverse is also true. If a man doesn’t like other men, he’s probably not comfortable with himself and his own masculinity, that’s a red flag.
It’s not a good look for either gender, to say they dislike their own gender.
If a person tells you, that they don’t like their own gender, the question shouldn’t be what’s wrong with everyone else. The real answer lies in what’s wrong with that person, that they can’t get along with nor do they like their own gender.
The top three reasons:
Jealousy
Insecurity
Fear
Let’s break it down.
JEALOUSY
I never said that we aren’t jealous of our own gender, that can be in play. There will always be someone that you can either admire or envy, you must choose how you will act and react when faced with someone you’re insecure around. The trick isn’t to deny that you’re jealous, the true power is in the ability to reign it in. You must learn how to reign in your jealousy, you don’t want to be controlled by it.
As a woman, you must learn to manage jealousy.
As a man, you must learn to rise above jealousy.
INSECURITY
The men and women, who dislike their own gender, are often deeply insecure. Their self-esteem is basement level, when you don’t like your own gender, it’s revealing that you don’t like yourself.
You can’t be a woman, say you dislike women, as you’re a woman too.
You can’t be a man, say you don’t like men, as you’re a man too.
FEAR
Being afraid of other people, is no way to live, not when its chronic and constant. A healthy fear can keep you safe, even save your life. But living in fear of others, your entire gender in fact, is no way to live. If you dislike your own gender, it’s possible you’re afraid of something. If you really want to be free, figure out what you’re afraid of, dig deep. Find out what’s making you fearful, so that you can work on fixing it.
Men need to overcome fear.
Women need to fight fear.
If you clap like the happiest seal at the zoo, when others bash their own gender, what’s wrong with you. That’s not a cause for celebration, that’s cause for alarm.
If you’re a man, the woman you’re dating has zero female friends, you need to ask yourself why. Is there a reason none of the women like her or want to be her friend. This is not trivial, find out why NO ONE LIKES HER, the reason she can’t get along with others. It’s a huge red flag.
If you’re a woman, the man you’re dating doesn’t have male friends, you need to ask yourself why. You need to decide if you can handle a man who’s deeply insecure, who can’t make friends within his own gender. It’s a red flag.
Only twice in my entire life, did I meet two women, who legitimately had a hard time with many other females. In both cases, they drew jealousy from other women, that was hard for them. In both cases, they liked women, wanted female friends and had a few friends too. Once in awhile, you’ll come across a woman who, through no fault of her own, has a hard time with other women. But it’s not because she doesn’t like other women, it’s because of insane levels of jealousy directed at them by other females. That’s not a red flag, that’s not those women’s fault. The key, do they like other women and want female friendship, that’s important.
It’s a problem when you dislike your own gender. If a person’s jealousy, insecurity and fears prevent them from same gender friendships, they’re deprived of meaningful connection that would add to their life.
I am adamant that if you’re a woman, you need to support women. Always. You must like women too because value for them is also value for yourself.
The reverse is also true, if you’re a man who’s secure and confident, you will like other men, you will value friendship with them.
When you both like yourself and value yourself, that’s when you also like your own gender, reflecting to them how you also feel about yourself.
The caveat, that these are good men and women, who deserve your love and support.
When I hear an individual claiming that they don’t like their own gender, can’t get along with their own gender and don’t have friends within their own gender, it’s probable that jealousy, insecurity and fear are in play.
If the woman you’re dating says she hates other women, don’t ignore that red flag. It's not cute that she can’t get along with her own gender.
If a man you’re dating has zero male friends, don’t ignore that red flag. It’s not good that he can’t relate within his own gender.
There’s a difference between having a hard time making friends due to life events or circumstances vs saying you dislike your own gender. Be careful to be compassionate about the former and concerned for the latter.
As a woman, I advocate for women supporting women. Always.
I listened to this roundtable of actresses in one of the most competitive and cutthroat industries, movie making, say that they valued female friendship. They mentioned how important it was, the value in it and how they could not do without their female friends.
I feel the same. I like men. But I love women. I adore men and I’m Queen of the Friend Zone, I enjoy my male friends, but if I’m really down and out, I want to talk to a woman. As a woman, I advocate for female friendship, this is not a luxury, it’s a necessity, you need this.
Both men and women, benefit from friendships within their own gender. Not a luxury, a necessity, for you to have that love and support, its important.
From the below photo: Beautiful women supporting each other. Nicole and Naomi, have a 40-year friendship. Jodi in her 60’s knows her stuff, she’s telling you that women supporting women, is important. Each woman has life experiences, all over 50 years old. Women supporting women. Always.
Jodi Foster, age 61
Nicole Kidman, age 56
Jennifer Aniston, age 55
Naomi Watts, age 55
Sophia Vergara, age 51
Super important. Women need to support women. Always. We are better with each other, when we help each other. Not a luxury, a necessity, we need this.
rhmaldonado.com
Photo: Sophia, Jodi, Jennifer, Nicole, Naomi
Women do need to support other women. That's paramount. I can't say I've ever said I hate women though I am sure I said in times long past I don't get along with other women as I felt a lot of jealousy was levelled at me. I was blessed, however, with two beautiful daughters who became my best friends and a mother who became the same largely during the Covid era. There's too much competition in this fake game of dwindling resources that they want us all to play. Each of us has our own story to tell and it's important...
Rachel, what an awesome clear spot read for me before I turn in. I see these friendship dynamics in play in a good way with our 31 year old Daughter, Her 31 year old Husband (who we consider our 2nd Son) and our 29 year old son. Our Daughter and SIL have so many close friends both Male and Female from their community and church. Our Son Jason is loaded with many Male friends and even more friends of the Female persuasion. Jason as a guy is friendly, kind, funny, someone who friends confide in and most importantly no drama. It gives me so much pleasure to see these three young adults thrive through life with friends to help them through. Maybe just maybe my wife and I were successful in raising them so if even only by example.