How long to see someone's true colors

This is neither new advice nor novel, that you need time to see someone’s true colors.

Many agree that the year mark is a good barometer, that if you make it through the seasons of fall, winter, spring, summer, that by then you will have unmasked a person to see their true self.

As a clinician, I will say that often someone can hide their true colors for a very long time. An especially manipulative person or someone with a personality disorder, can keep that under wraps for a year, even more.

But rarely, can someone hide their true self indefinitely. Things leak out and if you pay attention to red flags, you can avoid a lot of heartache or at least go in with your eyes wide open.

1 year will often reveal true colors.

Keep these in mind:

• This is for someone that you just meet, you need a year to really understand that person. If you knew them from your childhood, school, past jobs, same friend groups, then that’s different. But if that person is brand new to you, a year is a decent amount of time to vet.

• If you’re doing the pen pal romance thing, where you fly in to see each other for sexy rendezvous and then go back to your real life, it will take longer. If those visits are only in the fun category and very little real life is introduced, you could be in that fantasy induced set up for years and still not see the real person.

• If you do not put that person in your real life, that’s not helpful. They should see you in scenarios where you’re frazzled, feel down and even lash out angrily or when you feel embarrassed. If you only see their masked self for public situations, you don’t really know them.

• You need to be publicly acknowledged and introduced to their family and friends. If you’re not on their social media, brought out in public on their home turf and shown off to others, then that’s not real. Sorry, the secret means there’s shame. You’re the affair or you’re not good enough to be the real significant other.

• When you go through hardship together, that can reveal a lot. Perhaps less than a year is needed, if you saw them lose their job, become ill, bury a child or parent, or face anything that’s truly difficult for them. That can accelerate seeing their real self.

• If a person is exceptionally savvy, perhaps they can ascertain faster that another person is sincere and truthful. But very manipulative people and those with personality disorders are very good at hiding things, even up to the year mark, longer even.

• If you ask questions and you’re actually motivated to vet instead of going through the motions or barely noticing, perhaps you get to someone’s motives and true colors faster because you are trying to figure it out.

• If you’re trying to be open and honest, that other person will learn more about you and faster vs if you’re guarded.

It depends on YOU and the other person, how much time is needed to see someone’s true colors.

My recommendation, if you’ve never met that person before, give it 1 year before you do any of the following:

1. Get married

2. Buy property together

Bottom line, if it requires a legal document, wait 1 year to really learn about that person.

It’s different if you’ve known them in another capacity or if the circumstances allow you to see their true colors faster.

But if you’ve never met that person before in your life, the safe bet is wait 1 year to see them reveal themselves to you, before you make any big moves.

Once in awhile, you read the tea leaves exactly right and you’re savvy enough to know quickly. But often a manipulative person or someone with a personality disorder can hide things from you, up to the year mark, even longer. Be careful. Vet.

Your goal should be to see that person’s true colors, not bury your head in the sand because you prefer not to know. This is your life. Be smart. Vet.

rhmaldonado.com

Photo: Many people were fooled in the PlanDemic, takes time to find out someone’s true colors. Examples: Travis Kelce, Gavin Newsome, Arnold Schwartneggar, Anthony Fauci, JB Pritzker, Joe Biden