Men, it matters how you dress

When my male clients have trouble with women, the lowest hanging fruit is to get them a win via attention from females.

I don’t care if it’s the married man who can’t get sex from his wife or the man in his 20’s who’s unconfident with women or the older man who gets plenty of female attention but who’s still lonely. Show me a man, and that man wants attention from a woman. It’s only the degenerate world that tries to tell you to be a furry and also celibate. The world says you will get crumbs and you will like it. I think you deserve more. I think you should get what you want in life. And all men, want attention from women, doesn’t matter if it’s his girlfriend or wife or a wanting a date from someone he’s attracted to if he’s single.

I talk to men of all ages and income brackets for my work as a Therapist and I also own my Life Coach. I fully admit that I barely dated in my life, I never said I know how men think. I said I know how the average woman thinks, this I can help men with. I’ve encouraged both my therapy and life clients, to do the cold approach, ask a woman that you do not know in public, for her phone number. I’ve done a video Men in Jackets because I want men to get an easy win with women. I do not have to be smooth myself or have Charisma myself, to know what women react to. By de facto of having a vagina, I know more than men, what appeals to women because I am a woman.

Being very Confident is aided by life experiences, anyone can attain more confidence than they currently have. Very few have reached a pinnacle for which they can’t keep learning, developing and being better than they are. Confidence is the ultimate for being attractive to women, but it’s not enough as a stand alone, you must back it up with competence in something real, otherwise it’s just arrogance.

If confidence is the real deal, the low hanging fruit to get you a win, to build up said confidence, can be other things that are easier to do.

For this, my very favorite, is dress to impress.

Now this substack isn’t for women, as ladies love to wear beautiful dresses and like shiny things.

This substack is for men, that if you want a quick win on your way to building real confidence, it matters how you dress.

I push this hard with my clients because it’s very effective, I know that a win can catapult you to more confidence. It’s a first baby step, dressing well.

There was a social experiment with a British guy, he had a slight build, average height and plain features. Women were shown his photo, he was rated by women on his attractiveness. This poor fellow was crushed because on a scale of 1-10 this man was rated either a zero or some ungodly off the charts bad number, by the women. He had no idea he was viewed so poorly by the ladies, he felt terrible too. Then the researchers put him in a fancy full piece suit by a very expensive car. The women viewed this photo, rated him on his attractiveness. I think the number was a 7, this man went from zero to a 7 on the richter scale of attractiveness. This man’s genetics did not change, it was still his face. It was solely his outfit (the fancy suit) and standing next to a shiny accessory (the expensive car) that upgraded this man on the attractiveness factor. This man was shocked, he couldn’t believe it, that those things upgraded his attractiveness so drastically.

For men who’re down and out, they feel discouraged because they can’t get female attention, that’s their problem to solve. If you keep feeling like a loser, you will keep acting like a loser. This is not attractive to women when confidence is the magnet and they also like the shiny package.

For my clients, the easy win is dress to impress. You need to work on yourself, do real work for why you think things didn’t work out in your last relationship. You need to reflect on who you are and your values, and also vet women when you date. Processing for authentic change in yourself, can take months if not a year in therapy, the quick win is pick out something better to wear. Dress to impress.

When you look good, you feel good. You start acting different, you pick your head up and you don’t jam your hands in your pockets. Yes, I did a video on Men hands in the pockets When you upgrade your physical appearance, even if it’s a quick fix like your outfit, your mental state begins to change too. It’s the quick win that catapults you to feeling more inwardly confident too. Then you can work on backing that up with real competence, winning for real.

Now the men who do not dress to impress include these three categories:

1. In a relationship, men are very comfortable. They no longer have to impress, they are safely ensconced with the girlfriend or wife, who isn’t going anywhere.

2. Good looking men or wealthy men or men who have a D list reputation in their town, can get attention from females in their raggedy jeans and ugly T-shirt. These men feel no need to impress, they get attention from females by de facto of their looks, money, reputation.

3. Very confident men, their attitude alone is a magnet. They don’t have to rely on an outfit, they act like they are hot sh!$ and women respond to them as if they are exactly that.

Now the rest of us mere mortals, who can’t rely on movie star looks and we don’t have cash to flash nor are we D list celebrities, we actually have to make an effort. The regular Joe, has to try to impress a woman, to get said attention from her.

The caveat, even you’re an average looking guy in your raggedy gym shorts and shirt with holes in it, you can get away with a lot once you’re in a relationship. And you thought the dreaded commitment was all bad, you get to kick up your feet and relax. Stop whining how awful you have it with your girlfriend or wife. Get real.

But you’re single and looking? You’re lonely and want attention? You haven’t gotten laid in months and want someone to find you sexually attractive too? Now YOU have to actually make an effort.

And women like shiny things. The adage is that men are more visual, more turned on by physical appearance than women are. This is true for sexual stimulus, although women appreciate arm candy too, it’s probably a lot less of a visceral reaction for women than for men.

But women are visual too, not for sexual stimulus but for status stimulus. A man can be hot, but the woman finds out he’s broke and lives at home, she will screw around for fun but she’s not introducing him to her girlfriends as her new Boo. A man can be less physically attractive but own his business or have a title like doctor that impresses her friends, and a woman will try very hard to make that man her boyfriend. I never said women weren’t horny too or that they won’t have a roll in the hay too. Hot men are fine for a quickie or the friend with benefits, but if you can’t be proud of him in public to your friends and family, that woman won’t take that man seriously, at least quality women won’t.

Do you understand?

Women are just as visual as you. But whereas a man’s visual cues might be lighting up at her a$$ or legs that are a mile long, a woman’s visual cues are status symbols.

That’s why the CEO in his grubby T shirt still get stares around town, the women know his reputation, that he owns his own firm. Cash in hand. That man is sexy and will always get attention from women.

That’s why the D list celebrity can roll into the fancy restaurant in his ugly track pants and women are still after him. Reputation in hand. That man is sexy and will always get attention from women.

That’s why the smoking hot man can get laid, even when he’s broke and lives at home because women will fall for that in the short term too. That man is sexy and will always get attention from women.

But if you don’t have Status Looks Money then you’re like the rest of us mere mortals, you actually have to impress a woman to score a date or get laid tonight.

The easiest way to get attention from women, is to dangle in front of her face, the status symbols she craves. That’s why that guy who was rated zero in attractiveness, got bumped up to a 7 in the looks department, when wearing the fancy suit and in front of the expensive car. Women value status, they’re also attracted to money, the shiny stuff.

It’s like this.

You theoretically know that a woman who is loyal and loving would make a great mother to your children. But you just spotted a blond with painted red toes sticking out of sky high black stilettos, you must get her number. You’re talking with a woman in a tight red dress with curves that make it hard to concentrate, you barely care that your cousin wants to introduce you to that accomplished lady who’s a CEO. Need I go on? Your brain circuits fire up because you saw something shiny that you liked, the visual stimulus.

Women are the same. But although our stimulus is different than men, ours are just as strong. It’s not that we light up over the fact that you have an expensive car, it’s possible we don’t even know what kind of car it is. It’s what it represents, that you are monetarily successful, that’s very attractive to women. Women’s brain circuits fire up because we saw something shiny that we liked, the status stimulus.

A woman knows better than to show up to a first date in her baggy pajama pants and spaghetti stained top that’s also shapeless, she knows those visual cues will not impress a man.

A man can impress too, he can up the status cues, to attract women. And the quickest way to do that, is to showcase that you know how to dress well and drive a car vs your bike.

Now before the trolls come out of the woodwork, there’s nothing wrong with using public transportation and many men in the city don’t own a car.

And before the vitriol starts, I absolutely advocate for the intangibles and having values, that men and women should vet for this. I do not think that Status Looks Money will make you happy.

But my job is to help my clients feel better, sometimes it’s deep seated trauma and sometimes it’s self-esteem and confidence building. Almost all my clients, whether in relationships or single, want to be LIKED or LOVED by the opposite gender. This is baked into the cake. There’s nothing wrong with this. I also view it as perfectly acceptable that while my clients work on the deep stuff that will actually make them happy, that they also get quick wins, to give them a confidence boost on the route to authentic confidence backed by competence.

If you’re a man and you’re not getting the results you want aka a date or a relationship or whatever it is that you want in the LIKE and LOVE department, you need to do some soul searching and fix the mental as well as the physical. For the mental, get yourself to therapy STAT and put in the months if not a year of hard work to get your head on straight. For the physical, get yourself an easy win. You know what to do. Start feeling better by looking better. Quick win.

I want you to have success. You think I right these substacks for my health? Trust me, the trolls attacking me, is a very unpleasant experience. I genuinely adore men. I’ve seen age 13 in therapy to age 71 in my life coach, I deeply care about men. I want men to have success in life and also in love. This is a relationship substack after all.

Maybe you don’t care what I say, but perhaps you’ll care what Canadian Therapist Jordan Peterson has to say about how men dress.

In one interview, Jordan Peterson talked about how he bought suits for his speaking tour, he noticed that the men in attendance at his lectures were dressing up, full 3-piece suits, as if they were going to a wedding or a special occasion. This man by himself, influenced his fellow men, to give a Sh!$ about themselves and what they wore. Jordan Peterson knows that how you look does affect how you feel. It also gets you more of what you want, that includes attention from women.

It’s my belief that it’s effort that matters, doing that which costs you, is what you will value in the end.

This is Jordan Peterson’s message to the men, that it matters how you dress. He and I are both Therapists, we know that how you look also affects how you feel. It’s an easy win for our clients, that’s why we encourage it. It’s very effective. We want you to win more than you lose.

OK, this substack is for the men. But for the women, if that man shows up on your date where it looks like he tried zero, it’s not a good sign. Only stupid men or men who’re so narcissistic that they care zero, think that they don’t have to put in any effort to impress women. Yes, there are those 3 categories that I mentioned prior, so you aren’t thinking I’m a liar because you know your “brother’s cousin’s ex-boyfriend’s college roommate” who wears a T shirt and the women are after him. Are you one of those 3 specific categories that I talked about, if not, then you actually have to make an effort to impress women, now don’t you.

Jordan Peterson, in this video Why men should dress up says that it’s also a sign of respect, that he learned this from his dad who wore a suit to class when he taught his students.

For the women, if you show up on a first date and that man tried to impress you zero, that’s not a good sign that he’s going to respect you. If he couldn’t even bother trying in the beginning, imagine how he’ll kick up his feet and do even less, later on.

For my platonic male friends, I’ve never said anything negative about what they wore. I’ve been in a flowy floor length strapless dress and my partner was in cargo shorts and gym shoes, this did not bother me. Like I said, your male friends or a long standing relationship, it’s OK if men prefer comfort to dressing up. As a woman, it’s great if you’re easy going or understanding about this. Platonic friendship or in a relationship, different rules apply. Those men did the work to impress you in the beginning for romance or they aren’t in it to impress you if they’re your platonic male friends. That’s different.

I’m referring to men who’re losing more than they’re winning with women. I want those men to get a quick win, we all deserve attention from someone who will admire us. This substack is for the initial first impression, not your guy friend you’ve had since high school or your actual boyfriend or husband. That’s different.

I’m talking about dress to impress for first impressions.

Keep it simple.

Both men and women are visually stimulated. But if it’s a light bulb in a man’s brain for a woman’s curves that stimulate sexual desire, it’s a damn Christmas tree lighting up in a woman’s brain for status symbols that she also desires.

Keep it simple.

Visual for sexual stimulus for men.

Visual for status stimulus for women.

For first impression only, after that you must do the hard work to vet for character and competence, things that are real and that matter. Those are the things that will make you happy.

But for first impression, if you want that woman to do a happy dance in her mind, then yes, the low hanging fruit, go for the stimulus. But don’t think like a man, go for the stimulus that a woman is attracted to. Remember that women like shiny things. And your sharp jacket and nice ride, count. If you want to win more than you lose, then know what you are doing with women. Listen to Jordan Peterson, he’s a man like you, he knows his Sh!$. Dress to impress, it matters how you dress if you’re a man. Both for initial attraction with women, and for your own mental psyche that how you look affects how you feel.

Photo: Jordan Peterson talking about the importance of dressing up for men

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