Tips for a Coffee Date

Substack written November 27, 2022, click on this link Coffee Dates

Substack written November 17, 2023, click on this link You Deserve Coffee

All my personal friends and all my actual clients go on coffee dates.

Here’s my darling sister, on camera saying she’d go on a coffee date, this is hypothetical, she’s happily married, click on this link Drink + Coffee Dates

I like to go for the low hanging fruit, talk about topics, that are the most relevant.

The one topic I’ve balked on, is coffee dates. I am neither the first nor will I be the last, to turn up my nose at your average cup of Joe for a 1st date. I hate most dating coaches, often they are narcissistic and superficial, the only one I like is Millionaire Matchmaker Patti Stanger, who put this topic on the map by being one of the OG’s to mock coffee as a 1st date option. I’m hardly original in this because honestly, no woman on the planet, wants to be treated casually and cheap in courtship.

The problem, in modern culture, with narcissistic behavior the norm and superficiality commonplace, both genders have stooped to the gutter. People require practically nothing in dating, then whine when they’re neither respected nor valued in the subsequent relationship.

My personal bias, I don’t believe in coffee for a 1st date. Coffee is appropriate for friends, family, business and if you’re already dating or in a relationship with someone. I do not like coffee for the 1st date.

But I’m going to give my tips for a coffee date. The reason, my business partner Jaime Rodriguez has encouraged me to talk about what people care about. He’s the only person who can influence me, no one else really has that power. If you utilize these coffee tips, now your date thinks you knocked it out of the park, thank my business partner because he influenced me to write this article.

Caveat.

• You get what you pay for.

• You never have another chance at a first impression.

• You set the tone for the treatment you will now receive.

Coffee is casual and you are now setting expectations at . . . zero. Don’t be surprised when as a woman, you’re splitting the bill with that beta male because you set the tone by expecting nothing, going cheap for coffee on a 1st date. Don’t be aghast that males pressure you for sex on 1st dates, you’ve shown you require nothing, by going cheap for coffee on a 1st date. Your standards are non-existent. You will most likely be treated casual, men now know that your standards are zero.

I said it. I stand by it.

Coffee is cheap.

Millionaire Matchmaker Patti Stanger said that first, but all the women know this is true.

And my Tips for a Coffee Date

1. LOCATION

   If you’re in the Chicago western suburbs, chances are, I’ll see you on your coffee date because I practically live at Starbucks. I’ve even seen a man who asked for my phone number, later in the week on his Starbuck date, I was relieved, at least it wasn’t me, I don’t go on coffee 1st dates. The problem with Starbucks is that the vibe is casual, you’re wiping crumbs off the table yourself and if you don’t time it right, you might not get a seat at all, if it’s peak busy.

   Here’s a rule of thumb, if that coffee place doesn’t have a real coffee cup, it’s a no go. I will give two examples of places to go, in the Chicago western suburbs, I frequent both. Beatrix has my favorite coffee drink, malted and very rich and The Table at Crate has a beautiful cappuccino. Yes, these are restaurants. Yeah, you probably look foolish, that you didn’t ask that person for a bite to eat, but that’s on you. These are better locales for coffee.

   If you’re a man in financial duress, all you can afford is coffee, make sure it’s in a beautiful locale. That means skipping the generic Starbucks and sitting down in a restaurant for good coffee that’s in a real mug.

2. PAY FOR THE COFFEE

   Tommy Carrigan and Jaime Rodriguez talk about this on the Men’s Roundtable, that sometimes you don’t have a lot of money. In addressing this, they recommend being authentic and telling the truth, click on this link Men's Roundtable: Who Pays on the 1st Date

   If all you can cover is coffee, then do that. Invite your date for coffee, but bare minimum, pay for it. Paying separately is in play for friends, family, business and if you’re already dating or in a relationship with someone. But for a 1st date, it’s about the first impression and romance. Splitting is not sexy.

   At the core of Masculinity is that you protect women and children. Protecting and providing are in the DNA of man, it’s absolutely a factor in romance. Showcase what you can do, pay for that cup of coffee.

   Chris Sky is adamant that a man should pay on a date, this showcases his provider instincts, click on this Masculinity Crisis

   I’ve gone on 1 coffee date in my entire life, in 2019 and I had to pay for my own coffee at Starbucks. That man begged for another date, but that first impression was too terrible, to consider giving him a second chance. I will never go on another coffee 1st date again. Once was enough for a lifetime. You must be cognizant of the first impression. It’s already not a great look, going for cheap on a coffee date. Don’t make it even worse, by not paying for your date’s coffee. You only ever get one first impression, not paying will impress no one. Only a beta male would refuse to pay for a woman’s coffee on a date.

3. DRESS WELL

   The problem with coffee, is that now you’re trying very hard . . . to not try too hard. You don’t want your date, to think you over dressed because it’s JUST coffee. Correct, it is JUST COFFEE. You went cheap. That doesn’t mean you have to LOOK cheap.

   If you’re the woman, dress to kill. Whatever your style, make sure you look and feel, beautiful. You can still go casual, if that’s your style. But never ever, think that you have to dress down, to match that it’s low end coffee. That’s the wrong attitude; you never lower yourself.

   In my personal life, I can be at the grocery store, in a cute romper or sundress that other women might save for a date. That’s not to say that I don’t also dress casual because I do, I also wear T-shirts and jeans. But I’m not afraid to wear what I want, when I want.

   Women are too afraid to dress how they want. They try to dress for the location. And sorry, if you agreed to a cheap coffee date, that’s on you. But you don’t have to dress down, to match cheap. You must LOOK good to also feel good about yourself. So even if it’s coffee, dress to the nines. Wear whatever you feel is cute, make sure you feel good about yourself. The attitude should always be, that you dress how you want, that you never dress down to lower yourself.

   For men, it’s less important, your outfit. If you’re Confident as a man, you can roll up in whatever, you’ll still have women eating out of your hand. If you show up and showcase competence, that you work hard, have a job, you’re a business owner or entrepreneur, that woman will overlook your cargo shorts or casual jeans. I won’t lie to you, it matters less, what the man wears. It matters more what he does for work and his attitude in life. But if I was a man, I would probably still dress well, simply because I wouldn’t want to look like a slob. How you look, affects how you feel.

4. OWN IT

   If all you can afford is coffee or that’s just your de facto lazy go to, then for f&ck’s sake, at least own it. You chose this. Don’t waffle or snivel. You picked cheap, then roll with it. On that date, highlight other things about yourself, personality or whatever. But make no excuses, be authentic and tell the truth. If you’re in financial duress and all you can afford is coffee, then act like the fact that you’re cashless is temporary, be confident for the future. If you’re cheap, don’t act high and mighty, as if this is a great option because it’s not, admit that you opted for casual. Basically, don’t front, don’t pretend and don’t hype that coffee is anything more than . . . just coffee. Because being a fraud is even worse than being cheap. Just roll with it. You chose this. Own it.

Those are my tips for a coffee date.

Location is important, pay for the coffee if you’re the man, dress well to feel good, own that you chose coffee.

And remember ladies, that same man who took you out for coffee, is splashing cash on a dinner date for another woman.

Don’t forget what I do. I’m a Therapist and I own my Life Coach, both men and women tell me who they like and who they don’t, what they do on their dates and how much they spend on someone. From the new crush, casual dating, Situationship, 1-night stand, break-up, divorce, affair, cheating, I’m told by both men and women who they view as “just sex” vs who they’re super excited about. I actually do know things, secrets, in fact.

I’ve seen the girl on the drink date, fed no food, having sex on that 1st meet up VS the woman who was wined and dined on a $400 dinner date and she still didn’t sleep with that man.

Not hearsay, I didn’t get my info on Reddit, real men and women tell me their first hand accounts of what they personally did and how they personally treated their date.

I’m simply telling you, Ladies, that while you sit there at the dirty table in a crowded Starbucks, that SAME man is making a reservation for dinner at the Steakhouse for the woman who either required it or who he thought was worth it.

And for the men, if you’re under financial duress and all you can afford is coffee, a high caliber woman who’s made an accurate assessment of your character, will understand. Be authentic, tell the truth, and let the chips fall where they may.

rhmaldonado.com

Photo: Yes, that’s my real coffee, that’s a Beatrix cup in Oakbrook, Illinois