If you ever wanted to know what women think before a first date, it probably goes something like this.
What do I wear
Text a pic of the outfit to a girlfriend
Change said outfit
Perhaps not all the time, but accurate at least some of the time.
Of course, experienced daters or jaded daters, perhaps they’re less enthused about what to wear on their first date.
But I’m talking about your average girl, the one who’s still looking for love. She still cares about her outfit, she still has hope.
The photo below is of a 31-year old woman on Insta, who takes videos of herself getting ready for her first dates. She promos products, probably paid to do those. But besides that minor detail, the way she changes her outfits and either feels super pretty and confident or unsure of herself, is very accurate for the female mind.
That girl on Insta has it down to a science, she gets ready, also hides out in the restroom of the restaurant when she’s early for her dates. I like her style, that she believes in love and is making the effort to find it, good for her.
Once a man called me from the restaurant to let me know he’d arrived for a first date. I think the words out of my mouth were “Fuck, I’m not even dressed.” I still had to put on my outfit, get in my car, drive to the restaurant and walk into the venue.
My style is a smidge loosey goosey, I sort of rush through the door, probably tripping, apologizing profusely for being late. On first dates, men are very gracious and understanding, they say they don’t mind that I’m late. I think that girl on Insta is on top of it, she’s even early. The way she considers her outfits for her first dates, is also very typical of how a woman would act.
These are my personal tips for first dates.
Decline coffee and drink dates.
Only go on a date if you’re invited for breakfast, lunch or dinner.
If that man hasn’t asked to take you out in the first message exchange after getting off a dating app or after texting when he got your phone number, put him on the back burner, not a serious contender. Still go on a date if you want, but if he doesn’t ask in the FIRST message exchange, he may not be that interested.
Don’t offer to split the bill, if he asks you to, take out your credit card and pay your half. But now you know that he’s not overly interested in you, if he was, he wouldn’t have asked you to split the check, he would have wanted to impress.
If he doesn’t ask you on a 2nd date the first time you meet, he’s most likely not that interested in you.
If he doesn’t walk you to your car, he’s not smooth. Now you know you’re going to have to babysit that man, train him on how to behave with women.
If he texts sexual innuendo after the date, now you know he doesn’t take you seriously because a man who’s super interested in you, will also respect you.
In my opinion, men who are interested, ask you out on a date in the first message exchange. They take you to dinner. They ask you out on a 2nd date the first time they meet you. They don’t ask you pay. They walk you to your car.
There are exceptions but look at the men you texted for days or weeks. Did that pan out well, sometimes it worked out but often it’s a red flag.
Alpha men do not mess around. They are direct, they make a move, they are decisive.
The males who text ad nauseam, never make a move, sit on their a$$ are often married or have a girlfriend, they’re looking for a side piece. Sometimes they’re bored, maybe unmotivated or perhaps they’re simply not that interested in you. Regardless of why they aren’t in a hurry to nail down an actual date, how is that beta behavior impressive, it’s not.
A lot of people go on coffee and drink dates. The men want you to split the bill because they have other dates lined up, they’re average Joe’s with average money, can’t afford to wine and dine too many women. You got the married guys and the ones who just want to get laid, they juggle you and other women too, that’s why they text for days, even weeks, without making a move.
And you think that’s normal. You feel lucky when you get asked out for coffee or a drink date. It’s common, but it doesn’t have to be YOUR normal.
In my opinion, any man who asks you for a coffee date, isn’t that interested in you.
But to each their own, take these tips and modify them or ignore them. It’s your life, do what you want, free country.
Regardless of how you date, if you’re a woman, the outfit is the fun part. You try something on, you hope it looks OK and off you go on your first date full of hope.
Always stay hopeful.
Work hard at finding love. That girl on Insta is making an effort. It’s her choice to go on coffee and drink dates, she can live her life the way she wants. She’s picking out her first date outfits and she’s hopeful. Good.
rhmaldonado.com
Photo: Instagram girl, final twirl after getting ready for her first date
Funny I read your post and then the first thing I see on X is a list of "28 places women refuse to go on a first date" 😂 https://x.com/ywomendeservles/status/1805759892965441991?s=46
What about the women who love to double stack their dates and have one guy pay for their fine dining and then they go hook up with the other dude who bought them nothing? It's a zero sum game.
Dating culture is ridiculous. In the time since I've been reading your Substack, I went from unemployed with no car to well employed and back on wheels but my feelings about dating haven't changed. Women who hop from apps to hookups are not marriage material so why should any man look for love on apps?
Nah!