Sex

Are you getting any

I will put my hand on the Bible and tell you that it’s both men and women, who complain about not getting enough sex with their partners. I see this both as a Therapist and in my Life Coach which I own.

In both my Life Coach and in Therapy, I’ve had female clients for which this is an issue, and women want to work on this STAT.

For example both yesterday and today in therapy, I was talking about sexual issues with female clients. It’s relevant and prevalent for women too. Perhaps the stereotype is that men are the ones ravenous for sex, but I think it’s an equal opportunity arena.

There are a thousand and one ways I can go, on this topic. It’s dicey because it’s complex and incredibly sensitive to the parties involved.

I’m going to discuss only one aspect for brevity’s sake.

YOU MUST DECIDE HOW MUCH SEX YOU NEED

The term “friendship marriage” is bandied about, however you phrase it, this is de facto when you have a relationship sans sex.

If you’re a man and you have prostate cancer and can no longer get it up, I’m sure you would want your wife to stay with you.

If you’re a woman, and you have postpartum depression and your desire plummets, I’m sure you would want your husband to stay with you.

The “Go To” working solution has been for couples to stay together for a myriad of reasons, status in the community or for the kids or financial reasons. Sex is put on the back burner in this relationship.

If platonic works for you in your real life, then you should live your life with no apology to others. This is is your life, these are your choices to make.

The problem is when you are not honest with yourself. You lie to yourself. You tell yourself that sex is not important to you or that you can live without it.

My advice, decide how much sex you need. Take a hard look at yourself, think about whether or not sex is very important to you or if it’s only of medium interest or none at all. Be honest. Do not lie to yourself.

How are you are supposed to make decisions if you’ve never asked yourself this question.

If you’ve never asked yourself this question about how much sex you need, you’re going to be a sitting duck for temptation.

Now you’re tempted to have an affair. Now you’re getting a divorce. Now you end up in my office for Therapy in Illinois or tele-session for my Life Coach for clients in all 50 US states.

I understand that it’s a complex issue. You have the kids, your house together, extended family, you’re comfortable and you even love your partner. I understand that it’s dicey and complex. Why do you think I’m making this substack? I’m bringing from shadows into light, topics that are hard.

This is your life. You must ask yourself the hard questions. You must be honest with yourself. Do not lie. How will you decide how to live your life unless you first know your baseline? Know what you want, think about what you’re willing to compromise and think about your needs.

This is my lane, relationships. This is my work, this is what I’m seeing, both men and women who’re unhappy because they have not asked or addressed this question. I put this out into the zeitgeist because it’s on your mind too. Be honest. Do not lie.