Should women tell men they want to get married?
Yes.
If you’re a woman and you want to get married, you should tell the man you’re dating, that you want a commitment from him.
Yes.
Why is it OK in your professional life, to go after clients for business, close contracts, negotiate deals, promote yourself, push for that raise.
But in your personal life, you let men push you around, use you, waste your time.
I will be succinct.
Dump the married men.
Dump the players.
Dump the commitment phobes.
MARRIED MEN
I am privy to secrets and complicated scenarios are a random Tuesday for me as I’m a Therapist employed at a private practice in the Chicago area and I own my Life Coach.
Doesn’t matter if it’s a woman or a man, the affair is just sex or you’re in love with that person, someone is bound to get hurt when you entangle yourself with someone who’s not available. If that man is married, he’s not yours. You thinking that you’re special or that it’s a relationship, is delusion on your part. He is NOT available nor is he your boyfriend or husband. He goes home to his wife.
If you’re dating and having sex with a married man, he is using you.
You give him sex and emotional support. You give him the girlfriend experience.
Why buy the cow, when the milk is free. You’re the cow, getting milked ie being used for sex. You give that man girlfriend benefits when he does nothing to sacrifice for you nor does he make you feel special. The wife is #1 if he chooses to go home to her, you’re #2 if you’re the secret that he’s ashamed to introduce to his family, his friends, his work. You’re second tier without public recognition and a place in his real life. That’s bullsh!t and you know it.
Maybe you comfort yourself that you’re getting your emotional needs met too and you’re horny, but at the end of the day, most women will be filled with rage when their need to feel special is not met.
Sorry, you’re not special when that man goes home to his wife, when he will not sacrifice for you, when you’re the secret. If he can’t publicly acknowledge you and he won’t include you in his real life, you are second fiddle. You are not special.
You can’t be a woman and not want to feel special in romance, you’re wired to want that.
Sorry Cupcake, doesn’t matter what that man tells you, if he’s having sex with you but refuses to divorce his wife for you, he does not love you. He’s using you. He’s getting his needs met. But your intrinsic need to feel special, is not being met. You’re not special if that man won’t publicly acknowledge you, if you’re kept a secret, if you can’t be included in his real life. You are sex. You are being used. You’ve gotten the short end of the stick.
You can’t talk to that man about marriage, he’s already married to his wife.
Dump married men.
PLAYERS
Women are scared that if they have boundaries and standards, that men will pass them up.
Let those men go. Walk away.
You dodged a bullet.
If you have sex with that man, he has no problem telling you that it’s “casual” and he’s not interested in anything serious, you’ll give that man what he wants but you won’t get what you want. You gush “same” to keep his attention. But inside, you’re sad and you don’t feel special, later you’ll resent what you gave up.
And you get used.
You have sex with him once. Or for weeks. Maybe months. Perhaps you even date for awhile.
That man got the 1-night stand or easy sex for a few weeks, perhaps even the girlfriend experience. Then he moves on because he’s using you. He did not love you, maybe he didn’t even like you that much.
You gave that man attention, time and your body. For what. Do you have what you want. Public recognition, time, and a spot in his real life, did you get that. Or were you delivery sex, a good time while he looked for your replacement, thought he could do better. That hurts.
Don’t allow yourself to be played. When you get used for sex, that’s you being the plaything. When what you wanted was the real thing, to be treated like you’re special.
Dump Players.
COMMITTMENT PHOBES
You thought you did the right thing. You told that man, you wanted to be in a relationship. You asked for a commitment. You told him you wanted to get married one day. Then jack squat.
Perhaps you’re the girlfriend or you play house. You’re the de facto wife but he won’t commit for real.
You give that man the girlfriend experience, sexual benefits, and emotional support. He has everything he wants, feels zero need to sacrifice for you. That’s not love. Sorry, that’s being a sexual convenience, perhaps he “likes” you but he does not love you. Real love is that you do for the other, there’s an element of sacrifice, you know you’re special because he acknowledges you publicly and puts you in his real life. A man who loves you, would never allow you to be the side chick, #2 in the pecking order and the secret he’s ashamed of. That’s not love. A man who’s proud of you and who loves you, will make you his wife. He won’t let that go to chance, he won’t risk losing you, not if he loves you.
How long are you going to put up with being used while your needs are not being met. You want to feel special. You want to be that man’s wife. You want to have a family soon. Here you are, waiting as if you’re subservient to a man. You’re not getting what you want, you do not feel special.
You’ll waste months or years while that man kicks up his feet, enjoys the easy sex and girlfriend benefits. He knows you’re not the one. He’s not planning to marry you. You’re being played for a fool.
Dump commitment phobes.
These are the two questions I routinely ask men. I do not fuck around. I am actually this direct. Doesn’t matter if it’s my therapy clients or my life coach clients. I ask these two questions as par for the course.
Is she just sex?
I ASK THIS QUESTION WHEN ITS THE DATING PHASE.
Would you have married her if XYZ circumstances weren’t in play?
I ASK THIS QUESTION ABOUT THE CURRENT WIFE.
Women would be shocked if they knew what I knew.
I know the scenarios where men tell me they haven’t been faithful a day in their life, through multiple marriages.
I know the situations where men felt trapped or pressured by circumstances, he wouldn’t have married her otherwise.
I know about women that men aren’t serious about, doesn’t matter if it’s an exclusive relationship, girlfriend or even wife, he doesn’t view her as special.
I know when men view certain females as just sex.
I know about women that men are awed by vs the ones they feel mediocre towards.
Women huff and puff, that they’re equal in the workplace, yet act damn subservient in romance.
You think you’re tough, but you’re scared to tell a man you like, that you want to be exclusive.
You think being Boss, is pretending you only want casual sex too, when you actually want commitment.
You think that lying about your interest in marriage, will keep his attention.
Whatever happened to knowing what YOU want, telling the truth to men.
Relationships are my lane. There’s nuance and you dish when appropriate. You share when that other person deserves. Never did I ever say, to accost that man on your first date, ask interview style questions before the dessert even hits the table. There’s a way to do things, you vet before you share.
But you are sadly mistaken, if you think you can lie to men, tell them you don’t want commitment and marriage, then expect things to work out for you.
There are exceptions to the rule, that probably won’t be you, if you lie.
Therapist Jordan Peterson advocates for Telling the Truth
I’m a Therapist too, there’s utility to truth.
Perhaps you’ll still get conned, have your heart broken and fall for smooth talk. You learn as you date. Explore and process, as you vet. is the name of the game.
But when you lie, that doesn’t help you.
Women spout off about power in the boardroom, but what about power in the bedroom.
You’re not a Girl Boss, if you get used for sex by the married man, the player or the commitment phobe.
If you ask for what you want, you won’t always get it.
But you must ask, or you definitely won’t get it.
Ask or be used by men.
That married man isn't leaving his wife for you
If that man says he wants casual sex, believe him.
When your boyfriend hasn’t proposed, you’ve been living off his promises for years, he may not be serious about you.
If you want to get married, you must say so.
Vet men, nuance of course, share when that other person deserves.
But for the love of God, do not lie to that man.
If you want to get married, have a family, feel special then you must speak your truth.
The answer is Yes.
Women should tell men they want to get married.
You lie to your detriment.
Live your life, ask for what you want.
That’s how you get what you want more than you don’t.
Tell the truth.
The answer is Yes.
rhmaldonado.com
Why do you think it is that both men AND women treat each other so poorly? Seems to me that society in general has become crass, selfish and are just using each other. We lack virtue. Again, why is this? Not to sound like a bible thumper but I have a feeling that its roots can be traced to when we removed God from the public square. With a “supreme being” within the mix there were standards (protocols if you will) as to how one was expected to view/treat the other. Without this we see/experience all of today’s gaming. Funny thing is that there is nothing new under the sun and this dynamic has ebbed and flowed since the beginning. The pendulum always swings back… problem is it’s going to take a long time. Pax
And the whole point is the marriage is a partnership. It should be 50-50. She has the right to voice her opinions you have the right and you need to work together on those things and do it together. That’s what a marriage actually is and it’s a 50-50 sharing. It’s like being with your best friend. That’s the greatest time in the world.