My two jobs. My side gigs. The creative PROJECTS I’m working on are listed on my website.
Relationships are my lane, that’s the bread and butter, of my work.
Job 1. Therapist
Clinical, therapy for IL residents in-person at the Oakbrook office and tele session for anyone in the state of Illinois.
Job 2. Life Coach
My priority, my business that I launched in April 2020. I’ve had clients from 17 states and Canada, expansion, that’s the goal.
SAME
Whether in therapy or my Life Coach, I’m the same with every client that I have. You’re getting Therapist level, no matter which venue you see me in, I’m the same person.
You are curious about the work. That’s why I’ve put on my Rumble channel, 3 videos that are the Therapist Take. Click on the below links to watch.
Therapist Take: Couples Counseling
Therapist Take: What keeps you up at night
Watch the video, what I say about Boundaries. I’m specifically referencing manipulation and lying.
With the general population, you have your run of the mill levels of deception. No big deal. Par for the course.
With personality disorders, this gets ramped up to another level. I remember the very first client that I ever had, most likely Borderline Personality Disorder. In the private practice where I’m employed as a Therapist, we don’t diagnose for serious personality disorders, we leave that to the Psychiatrist. But you cannot do this work, if you aren’t willing to have a high level of awareness for the psychiatric, you will see it. I did my field work, 900 hours, in the Psych Unit. For personality disorders, you must have strong boundaries, it’s essential. Big deal, also par for the course.
I’ll give you a run down on lying, to help you navigate the manipulation of others in your real life.
MOTIVES
This is your family members, your friends, colleagues at work, romantic interests, real life partners and casual acquaintances, you must constantly vet or be taken for a ride.
Consider these as motives behind how forthcoming we are and with whom.
Motive 1. Privacy
Motive 2. Deserve
Motive 3. Malignant
PRIVACY
I’m a Therapist, of course, I’m into privacy. That’s essential. If you’re my client, you’ve most likely heard me clarify, that you have the right to privacy. Not everyone needs to know your business, it’s private.
Example: The cashier at Target is neither interested nor needs to know, that you couldn’t get it up last night and your wife is sexually frustrated with you. That is private information.
It’s within the realm of privacy, that you withhold information. Appropriate, you need to understand the levels of privacy, to decide how much someone needs to know about you. Privacy is a good thing.
DESERVE
Many times, when we get burned, we double down. We turn hard, bitter even. We don’t want to get hurt again, so we trust no one. What you need to remember, is that you aren’t punishing others, as much as you’re punishing yourself. That’s no way to live. Instead of becoming a bitter shell of a person, vet like your life depends on it because sometimes, it does. You must test others and find out if they deserve to know more about you.
A lot of people get mad at the dating process or feel they don’t have to work at relationships. They misunderstand that testing is part of the process. You must do the work, doesn’t matter if the relationship is personal or professional. As you vet appropriately, others earn your trust and you earn theirs, that’s how it works. You share more, as that other person, deserves to know more about you.
Example: If that man is your husband, you need to divulge more. If that woman is your wife, you can share more. But a 1-night stand, the girl who’s just sex to you or the man who’s just for fun, no, you don’t need to share everything with them. They don’t deserve it nor have they earned it. That’s how it works, you vet others, so that you don’t get hurt.
It’s within the realm of deserving, that you withhold information. Appropriate, you need to understand the levels of privacy, to decide how much someone needs to know about you. That you deserve, is a good thing.
MALIGNANT
When you lie because you can or its vicious in nature, that’s when you’re a danger to yourself and others. You think you’re clever, pulling the wool over someone else’s eyes. Yet you’re the one who will suffer in the end. You do this to you.
People gleefully smirk, they tell me to my face, that others don’t know what they know or that they’ve fooled them. Give me a fucking break. Yeah, they do. You are as delusional as the ones who you think you’re fooling. In the end, the fool is you.
Examples.
People get a gut feeling about you, they don’t trust you or like you, they know somethings off, that you lie.
People nod along, but they know you lie. You’re the fool, not them. You’re the one who’s oblivious, thinking others are buying what you’re selling, when they do not believe you.
You do fool some people, but you can’t fool the best. Not forever. Who cares if you fool stupid people, it only matters, if you can go toe to toe with the creme de la creme. You won’t fool the best, not for long, that’s why they’re the best.
People are often so deluded, they’ve lied to themselves so much, they actually start believing that others fall for their bullshi!t. For the 3 reasons I described, you’re the fool, not those you lie to. It’s you, who’s delusional, you’re the problem when you rely on manipulation and lies.
Who gives a sh!t if you fool some, you won’t fool the best and not for long.
It only matters, if you can go toe to toe with the best. You won’t be able to manipulate everyone or lie forever, plenty of people, see through your lies. They have a bad vibe about you, they know you’re lying.
I’m a Therapist, of course, I advocate for privacy and vetting to decide who deserves. No, don’t dish your dirty laundry to everyone. Not appropriate.
But stop the habitual lying. Manipulation only goes so far. Tell the truth to yourself, level one. Tell the truth to those who deserve, level two.
Level up, Buttercup.
For these reasons.
You are hurting yourself, not others.
You are fooling no one, you’re the fool, not others.
You will never be the best, if you’re a lying son of a b!tch
It’s within the realm of privacy and deserving, that you withhold information. Appropriate, you need to understand the levels, to decide how much someone needs to know about you. Those are good things, malignancy is not.
THE WORK
Many times, lies are self-delusions. We must cut through the lies we tell ourselves before any real work can be done.
Sometimes, the lies we tell ourselves become ingrained in our psyche. Then it becomes habit, to also lie to others. That’s not good. You must break yourself of the habit of lying. You fool, fewer people, than you think. You hurt yourself, more than others, when you lie.
I am very patient with those who try.
I will put up with lying and delusions to a point. But as a Therapist, you must have strong boundaries for the habitual liars and those with a manipulative streak. You can’t do this work, unless you’re also willing to call out the lies, its essential. It’s not the role of the Therapist, to aid in the delusions, that helps no one. The actual job, is to hold others accountable, to help them tell the truth to themselves (level 1) and to others (level 2). That’s the work, if you really want others to improve their lives for the better. No, others are not better off, with manipulative liars as romantic partners, work colleagues, family members and friends.
YOUR LIFE
For both your professional pursuits and romantic endeavors, be on the lookout for high manipulation and high deception. I see it up close and personal, as a Therapist, but you’ll encounter these people too. Maybe it’s even you, who needs to learn how to tell the truth. Have boundaries, that’s essential for mental health.
I love complexities, I will help you if I can. But you must do the work, accountability for the lies that you tell, are paramount to learning responsibility. That’s how you change your life. Relationships are my lane, I know it’s hard work, but it’s worth it.
rhmaldonado.com
Photo: June 2024, the cover shot for my video on Rumble
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