These are my random thoughts on the age old topic, TO LOOK OR NOT TO LOOK.
I hope this commentary is interesting and scintillating.
Reverse.
What’s the big deal, the men say. When their girlfriend or wife huffs and puffs when they get caught checking out the hot girl. Perhaps the equivalent is if your girlfriend or wife opined about how “Mark has such a good job” or “Nick is so successful” or some other such accolades about a man THAT IS NOT YOU. It feels bad, when you’re being compared to someone else. That’s how women feel when their man eyes up a pretty girl in front of them, they feel a little sad. It hurts your feelings, you feel pressure that perhaps you’re not enough or that you don’t measure up. It brings out your insecurities and jealousy, to feel that you’re being compared to someone else.
Practice
If you’re a male over the age of 18, you need to practice and learn the art of subtlety. If you want a romantic relationship, you need to act like a grown up in public and learn not to gawk. You won’t keep your girlfriend or wife for long if she’s quality, she will dump you if there’s blatant disrespect.
Actions
Never did I ever say that it’s OK for males to look like perverts and act like neanderthals by blatantly staring at other women in front of their girlfriend or wife. If a woman feels that her boyfriend or husband is disrespectful, she needs to have discussion with him. I do not give a pass for bad behavior from men.
Negotiate
Depending on your age, personality, experience, history, bias and a host of other factors, you’ll have your own belief system about what is vs what is not appropriate. Who you are and how you behave can change. What may have been considered benign with your ex-girlfriend, may not fly with your new wife. What your former boyfriend put up with may not pass the sniff test with your current man. Each couple has to negotiate based on the relationship they have with each other, what you did in the past or with someone else, no longer matters. Now you need to figure it out with the person you’re currently with. You need to negotiate how to be and what you will also accept in terms of behavior.
Reciprocal
If you’re an attractive woman and you gossip with your girlfriends that “You’ve still got it” because a cute guy noticed you, then you need to be fair if your man also likes to be noticed. Whatever you’re demanding from your partner, you need to be willing to do the same, in return. Really think about what freedoms you personally want to keep, afford those same ones to your partner.
Caring
The more you love someone, the more you will care about their feelings. If you’re in love and if you love that person, you will actually care if they feel hurt by your actions. That’s the lynchpin, your behavior modifies based on how much you actually care for that person.
Consequences
Bottom line, you’ll do whatever you’re allowed. If one partner lets you behave badly but another one whips you into shape, your behavior will change based on the consequences you face from your partner.
Accidents
If you’re a male under the age of 18, you still need to practice and perhaps you can be given a pass for an occasional slip up. But if you’re a grown man, you should know how to behave in public. But can you slip up no matter your age, sure. Can women behave badly too, of course. Was it an accident vs blatant disrespect, did you try to course correct, take the details into account. You don’t always have to punish your partner, giving someone grace is a sign of maturity.
Try
As long as you try, you’ll evolve and get good at whatever you practice. Perhaps you’re a man who’s smooth, you know not to get caught nor are you blatantly disrespectful. Perhaps you’re a work in progress, you’re trying. The key, keep trying, to perfect your behavior.
Those are my random thoughts on the topic, TO LOOK OR NOT TO LOOK. Both men and women share with me real life examples, ranging from super out of line to fairly benign. You’re human too, mistakes are the name of the game. Learning as you go is baked into the cake for romance. You will probably get caught looking at least once in your life or you will complain about your partner’s perceived infractions a time or two in your relationship. Welcome to romance.
rhmaldonado.com
Video: Mark Zuckerberg from FaKebook, got caught on camera looking down the shirt of Lauren Sanchez
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